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Going Through Divorce

Going Through Divorce: Losing the Battle to Win the War

There is a famous quote that says “Sometimes you have to lose a battle to win the war“. In most divorces, there are many moments of friction – when one spouse wants one thing, and the other spouse wants another. And in my experience, you’re going to win some and you’re going to lose some. This is one of the most powerful pieces of knowledge you can have going into your divorce. If you don’t try to win every battle, you’re more likely to win the overall war. 

​​​One of the most consequential skills you can utilize in your divorce is knowing when to push and when to let go so that you can ultimately get the best outcome for your divorce. In the context of divorce, this means making certain sacrifices and concessions along the way to ensure long-term well-being and a brighter future. This blog explores the idea of losing battles during divorce as a strategic move toward achieving financial confidence, personal growth, emotional healing, and ultimately, a better life.

The Art of Strategic Surrender

When you find yourself amid a divorce, it’s important to recognize that not all battles are worth fighting. It’s essential to pick your battles wisely, focusing on what truly matters in the grand scheme of your life. Sometimes, surrendering on certain aspects of the divorce settlement can lead to greater gains in terms of emotional well-being and personal growth.

Set Priorities

Early in your divorce, determine your top three priorities in order. We often take our clients through an exercise where we ask them to think about their life three years after the divorce and ask themselves what they need to have in place at that time for them to feel happy about the outcome of their divorce. Once you have a vision for your post-divorce life and have clarity on your top 3 priorities, keep these front and center during your divorce. When you come to a point of friction, look at your vision and priorities and determine if it is worth fighting over a particular issue or if should you back off. 

Intentionally Loose…Sometimes

Quite often it will feel that you aren’t advocating for yourself if you allow your spouse to win an argument. While I believe you should never let anyone walk all over you, it’s different when you make an empowered, thoughtful decision based on your larger goals. While he might think he is winning the argument, you will know that you intentionally chose to step down on a particular issue so that you could achieve your greater goals. 

Understand the Stakes of Your Negotiations

 We always run possible financial outcomes early in a divorce so our client knows where they will need to draw the line when it comes to financial negotiations. It is powerful to know you can still meet your long-term financial goals even if you give up some of your assets. All too often, couples will fight over a certain sum of money when looking at the big picture, this sum of money won’t make a material difference in helping either spouse reach their financial goals.  

Prioritizing Emotional Well-being

While the legal aspects of divorce are undeniably significant, the emotional well-being of both parties should take precedence. Rather than getting caught up in bitter arguments and legal disputes, consider the long-term impact on your mental health. Losing a battle in court or conceding on certain issues can alleviate stress and facilitate the healing process, allowing you to move forward with a clearer and healthier mind.

The Power of Letting Go

Divorce often involves letting go of the life you once knew, the dreams you shared, and the expectations you had for the future. Embracing this process of letting go can be incredibly liberating. Losing a battle in divorce can sometimes be a catalyst for personal growth, as it forces you to confront your attachments and reevaluate your priorities. Through acceptance and release, you create space for new opportunities and a fresh start.

Co-Parenting and Collaborative Solutions

When children are involved in a divorce, it’s crucial to prioritize their well-being above all else. Engaging in a battle to win every dispute may have detrimental effects on the children’s emotional and psychological development. By adopting a collaborative approach and seeking common ground with your former spouse, you can create a healthier co-parenting dynamic. Losing certain battles may lead to better compromises and solutions that benefit everyone involved, especially the children.

Fostering Inner Strength and Resilience

Divorce can be an incredibly challenging and emotionally draining experience. However, it also presents an opportunity for personal growth and building resilience. Losing a battle in divorce can be a valuable lesson in perseverance and resilience. It teaches you to adapt to unexpected outcomes, bounce back from setbacks, and find the inner strength to rebuild your life.

Seeking Professional Help

Navigating the complexities of divorce alone can be overwhelming. Seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, can provide invaluable support during this tumultuous time. A therapist can help you process your emotions, gain clarity, and make informed decisions about the battles worth fighting. They can also assist in developing effective coping mechanisms and strategies to ensure long-term emotional well-being.

Losing a battle to win the war in divorce requires a shift in perspective and the courage to make strategic choices. By focusing on the most important priorities, you can emerge from the divorce process stronger, wiser, and in good financial shape. Remember, it’s not about winning every dispute, but rather about creating a brighter future for yourself and your loved ones. Embrace the process of letting go, seek support when needed, and trust that through resilience and self-reflection, you can find healing and new opportunities on the other side of this challenging journey.

Wouldn’t you like to be in a place of power to navigate the issues in your divorce? We, at Purposeful Wealth Advisors, are here to help. We offer a complimentary 30-minute consultation. You will find a link throughout our website to schedule a time to connect with us

Take care. You’ve got this.