We’ve been taught, explicitly and implicitly, that pushing harder, planning smarter, and staying in control is how we get results. Be strategic. Be vigilant. Don’t let anything slip.
And in many areas of life, that approach works.
But there’s another kind of strength, one that rarely gets talked about, especially in divorce. It’s the strength of knowing when to step forward and when to step back. The courage it takes to loosen your grip just enough to let the path unfold.
In my own life, and repeatedly in the lives of the women I work with, I’ve seen something meaningful shift when we stop forcing outcomes and start trusting the process unfolding in front of us.
Not passivity. Not avoidance.
But a grounded, intentional letting go.
Control vs. Clarity
Many spiritual teachers talk about this distinction: be clear about your vision, but emotionally detach from the outcome and how it comes to pass.
In divorce, that clarity might look like getting honest about the life you want on the other side of this:
- What do you want your day-to-day life to feel like?
- How much financial stability do you need to feel safe and grounded?
- What kind of home, schedule, and emotional space do you want for yourself, and for your children?
This kind of visioning is powerful. Necessary, even.
Where things get tricky is when clarity turns into control.
When we start micromanaging every step of the process, every email, every response, every possible future scenario, we often create more anxiety, more conflict, and more exhaustion than results.
The Delicate Balance of Divorce
Divorce requires discernment.
There are moments when you must show up, speak up, and advocate for yourself. There are times when being strategic with your attorney matters. There are moments when silence would cost you something important.
Letting go of control does not mean abandoning your voice.
What it does mean is learning to act without emotionally attaching yourself to a specific outcome.
You can:
- Clearly express your needs
- Make informed decisions
- Set boundaries
And still release the belief that you alone must manage every detail for things to work out.
That detachment, while incredibly difficult, can be one of the most stabilizing forces during divorce.
What Letting Go Looks Like in Practice
Sometimes, letting go is surprisingly ordinary.
It may look like recognizing that constant follow-ups with your attorney don’t always lead to faster progress. Many legal processes move on timelines that aren’t immediately visible, and added pressure can sometimes increase stress without changing the outcome. Constant pressure can increase your stress without changing the timeline.
It may look like loosening your grip on how every parenting detail unfolds post-divorce. I’ve seen parents become so focused on controlling religion, extracurriculars, or routines that they lose sight of the bigger picture: raising resilient, emotionally healthy kids.
Children are often the hardest place to surrender control, because they matter most.
But here’s the truth many parents discover only later: children are remarkably capable of growth through change. Divorce may disrupt their world, and for some children, navigating that change can contribute to growth in empathy, flexibility, and emotional awareness, especially when they feel supported rather than managed.
Letting go doesn’t mean disengaging.
It means trusting that your presence, love, and steadiness matter more than perfection.
Stronger Than You Know
One of the hardest lessons divorce teaches us is that control is often an illusion.
What is real is your capacity to trust yourself. To take aligned action. To set a clear vision—and then release the need to force the outcome.
That combination, clarity without control, is where real strength lives.
You may not see it yet, but there may be more unfolding here than you can fully grasp right now. And sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is allow it.
Next Steps
If this resonates with you, I invite you to go deeper.
You can download the complimentary first chapter of Stronger Than You Know and begin exploring what real strength looks like in the midst of change.
Investment advisory services are offered through Keating Financial Advisory Services (KFAS), a Registered Investment Advisor. All services are provided pursuant to a written agreement and the firm’s Form ADV Part 2A. Clients may incur additional costs from custodians or third-party providers. This content reflects general insights and is not intended to predict or guarantee outcomes. Individual experiences may vary.
