How to hold onto yourself – and your sanity – when the life you built starts to unravel.
There are moments in life when the ground gives way beneath you. The marriage you thought you could fix is ending. The person you trusted most becomes unrecognizable. The home that once felt safe now feels foreign.
When everything you’ve built begins to come undone, it’s not just about losing a partner or a house or a set of routines – it’s about losing a version of yourself. The woman who believed in that life. The woman who kept it running. The woman who thought she knew where her story was headed.
And in those moments, when it all feels like too much, the question isn’t just “How do I get through this?”—it’s “Who am I now?”
The Shock of Losing Your Bearings
Here’s what I’ve learned from watching hundreds of women walk through this: when everything around you feels unstable, you need an anchor, and that anchor has to be you.
Not the “you” who held it all together for everyone else. Not the “you” who tried to make the marriage work. But the you underneath all of that, the one who knows, deep down, what feels true and what doesn’t.
Sometimes the first step in holding onto yourself is simply refusing to abandon yourself.
Another client, Renee, learned this the hard way. During her divorce, her husband cut off financial access – froze the credit cards, moved money, and left her scrambling to pay for groceries. Her attorney and I worked quickly to get temporary support in place, but in those early weeks, she had to rely on sheer grit.
She told me later, “I didn’t know I could be that strong. I didn’t know I could keep my kids fed, go to work, deal with lawyers, and still get up the next morning. But once I did, I stopped believing the story that I couldn’t survive without him.”
That’s the quiet turning point I see again and again. When everything external falls apart, women begin to rebuild from the only place that can’t be taken away – their own resilience.
Practical Ways to Stay Grounded When You’re in Freefall
- Simplify your world.
- When your mind is spinning, focus on what’s directly in front of you. Make your bed. Eat something nourishing. Go outside. Stability starts in the smallest of moments.
- Create a “decision pause.”
- When emotions run high, the urge to react, to send the text, sign the document, make a big move is powerful. Give yourself 24 hours whenever possible. What feels urgent at midnight rarely feels the same in the morning.
- Find one steady person.
- You don’t need a crowd. You need one voice that reminds you who you are when you forget. A therapist, a friend, a faith mentor, someone who can help you see yourself clearly when the mirror is fogged.
- Remember that this is temporary.
- You won’t always feel like you’re falling apart. In time, this chaos will become part of your story, the part that taught you just how capable you are.
The Gift Inside the Breaking
The truth is, the life that’s unraveling may not be the life that was meant to last. Sometimes what feels like collapse is really the clearing that makes space for something truer.
Andrea, the client who once told me she felt like she was disappearing, found her footing again. Slowly, she began to rebuild: new routines, new boundaries, even new joy. A few years later, she told me, “That season nearly destroyed me. But it also woke me up. I finally feel like myself for the first time in decades.”
That’s what I want every woman to know: just because something is falling apart doesn’t mean you are. Sometimes the breaking is what finally sets you free.
The client stories shared in this article are based on real experiences; however, names and identifying details have been changed to protect client privacy. These stories are intended for illustrative purposes only and do not guarantee or predict future outcomes. Each individual’s situation is unique, and your experience may differ. No clients were compensated for their statements.
Investment advisory services are offered through Keating Financial Advisory Services (KFAS), a registered investment adviser, and are provided pursuant to a written agreement and the firm’s Form ADV Part 2A.
